why do people hurt?
2008-06-15 @ 17:22:44
"When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do". (unknown)

Sometimes I think some people are despicable. Some of them hurt you conciously, intentionally. It hurts especially when close people do this. Like my friend, Eve. She felt in love with one guy, who has a wife and who treats Eve as a substitute. I hate him. He's abominable (physically and mentally), and he lies - when his wife found out about his romance, he denied everything! He told to her wife, that Eve is just internet acquaintance!, and that he never saw Eve personally! That's not true, they have romance from 1.5 year, they plane to be together! But he is too cowardly for this, he doesn't want to leave her wife, cause: 1. he doesn't work (has imaginative problems with his health) and doesn't want leave his provider, 2. he's just scared of his parents. He's miserable...
But Eve is under his great control. He's just emotional blackmailer, he still impact on her feelings of guilt, everytime he tells her, that she can't leave him, because he will kill himself, or another way - he asks her to stay with him, because of his invalidity (disability).
The worst thing is, that she doesn't want open her eyes and see, who exactly is the man, whom she loves. And finally, she leaves all the people, she was close with before. She hurted me, when she told me, that I am selfish and don't want happiness for her. That is ridiculous - she was my best friend from ages and I always wish her the best! But I can't tell her, that she is right in this situation - and that the reason, why she doesn't want our frienship now.
Last summer I invited her to me (I was living in London that time), and Eve spended 3 weeks there, and she had no time to speak with me, what is wrong with our friendship! I don't know, if she likes London - she told me nothing about it. She just told, that I did wrong with this invitation, because she had to be far away from her sweetheart! (sreeeetheart! - sorry for this).
Today it hurts especially, because I spoke with our friend, and Eve told him, that it is my fault. i can't understand, why people can be so mean, and why it is so easy to betray somebody, who know you many years... and who was with you in good situations and in bad too... I know, sometimes happens situations like this, but I can't understand it. Friendship - for me it was something great, something permanent. i was big fool. It is just one person in my life - my boy-friend - who never betrayed me. And now I am sad, but I enjoy too - because of my Honey, and because I don't have to accept and their situation and her sick guy. It's her life and what she does now, it will have painful consequences in the future. Nobody can do something. I wish her luck but I don't want friendship like that anytime.

Hey. Yes, you're right. But I think you didn't even try to understand her. She's blind, blind because of love. Try once again to talk with Eve and explain what's wrong in her relationship with this guy. Real friend never leave you alone with problem. And Eve's a problem, but the worst is she doesn't know it. Driendsip isn't always something great. Probably she didn't want be so mean... Altrough you're right and she can't understand you, don't leave her alone. If you are/were (whatever)her real friend, don't let her waste her life.

I hope everything will be okay. :)
Maybe she's mean and she hurts you but it's only because of the situation she's in. Probably she's unhappy and doesn't know what to do. She might also not know she needs help or be unable to ask for it. I think that if you told her what you think of the whole case then it's her choice what to do now. You can only wait patiently until she opens her eyes, of course if you care about her and have enough patience. No one's perfect and everyone makes mistakes but sometimes it's very hard to admit it.
Hello, thanks for your comments . Spark-in-the-night, it's not true I didn't try to understand her. I tried to do it more than one year. I spoke with Eve many times. And nothing. I am not scapegoat, I have feelings like everybody and don't want be hurted still and still... One known person told, that some people we can love just from afar. I think it is not healthy let somebody treat you bad all the time. It is risk, that you would hate this person in the end. You know, I think the same like you, I understand you very well, believe me! and I know, you're right. But I can't do nothing, she doesn't want speak with me about it, becasue I can't lie, and Eve doesn't want hear the truth. That's why we can't understand each other.
Allaround, you're right too, it's her choice. And that's true - everybody makes mistakes. I'm just afraid for her.

"God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself." (known proverb).
You are good man silvanek. It's sad but love somebody blinding...

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