An regular week.
2017-10-22 @ 16:45:48
Hi!
I write that update that late, cause I have no idea what I should write about, cause in the week there was more days I was absent at school than days that I was in school, so there nothing important happened.
On Monday my caretaker said for me that school looking for new caretaker for my class. But, they are looking for only for male caretaker and I don’t think that they will find someone who meets that criteria. Why ? Cause there not many male caretakers, cause is mostly feminine kind of job, plus we live in very small and pretty poor town , so it makes chances even smaller. From the one side I’m mad cause that’s means that I still won’t be even a little independent at school, but from the second side I feel like having male teacher could be fun, maybe cause now I have only female teacher? In high school I had more male that female teacher and they were mostly more easy going that female teachers.
The next day I felt pretty weak due to start of my cold again. I was sleepy I sneezed many times and I coughed. I stayed at home for the rest of the week. For the first two days I didn’t do anything cause I was too weak, but in Friday I went to my therapist. She said that condition of my body went worse, cause I didn’t have enough rehabilitation sessions. My body became more stiff, especially my legs, hands, tummy and hips. I thought about giving up my school and wheelchair, but my mom said that’s not a good idea. Maybe Tomorrow I won’t go to the school, but instead I will go to my rehabilitation.
I wonder if I should message M-kun about condition. M-kun is my main therapist on camp. I know there is still long way to November, but I don’t want lie to him, or make him mad , even we had fight on last camp. I still feel like he care about my health in his own tough way. I remember when on camp he regularly took pictures of me to see changes in my condition. I remember that he was proud of me , especially on last camp that he said my condition went better between camps. I wonder what he will tell on November. Will he be mad? Or he will act like he doesn’t care cause I’m an adult and I should paid for my mistakes?
Yesterday I made new Laura diary update. I didn’t made update on last week, so I had so much to write, mostly cause that story is strongly inspired by my life, it almost like I have two diaries : One in polish and one in English. I still don’t know my reasons.
Laura (my) attitude is mostly criticise , cause of egoism and Laura (I) have a bad temper and it makes her (me) a loner
I reported my story to special blogs where stories are rated. There were much more blogs like that in past, but blogs are more less popular due to popularity of websites like wattpad.
That’s all for today!
Take care!
The bad girl is me.
2017-10-15 @ 11:32:21
Hi again!
How are you? I wonder If next week of my life will be something that you want to read about, but anyway I will write.
On Monday my mom was at my school. Headmaster said to her that impossible for me to be official student of my school, so I won’t have testes anyway. I was mad. I acted like insane person and I screamed that I don’t want go to school any more. She gave me some medicine to clam down and said Tuesday will my my last day in school if I want to. I agreed, but it was a bad idea. In Tuesday I as in totally bad mood, I even didn't say „hello”to my caretaker at school bus. I also said to my caretaker at school that I’m going to leave school . I also said to my Teacher that I will feel good only If I leave that place forever. Later teacher said that she was afraid of me. I was in that bad mood that I can’t wait for the end of the classes so I called my mom to pick me up
On the same day teacher texted me and said that everyone are waiting for me, asked why I left and she said school will fighting for test in other place, so I decided to came back to the school.
In Wednesday I decided to stay at home to clam myself down even more.
In Thursday I came back, but I couldn’t say „sorry”
Why is that I can repeat „I’m sorry” about trivial thing, but when I really need to say that then I can’t?
Anyway I tried to be as helpful as possible. I even made some medals for Teacher’s Day. My school caretaker said I don’t have to go to school when I’m at bad mood. I’m really that scary?
On the Friday was normal school day. We had English classes for the first time. I did all the tasks as first, so I get bored. It was too easy to me. Math was really hard even it it was 5th grade primary school level. I even have homework that I have to do. We (I and one of teacher) had to wait for my for my school bus longer that usual, so we were both angry cause we wanted to start our weekends already.
In that school bus some other people started talk to me. One little boy who is like 6 years old asked me:
-Why do you have sick legs?
-Because I was born like that
I wonder if that enough for little kid to know? Or I should said something more?
What about my internet life?
On the Facebook group for disabled woman I received a lot of hate. That's way I’m posting so much, and they say mostly of my post are negative. I didn't realize I;m that pessimistic.
They say I’m stupid, autistic, that I should do something with my life and they angry when I don’t do why they told me. When I said I don’t look look for help and I only want to know what they think about me they called my egoistic. When I said I don’t really care about be liked they called me stupid and asked why I’m here. They also said that my problems are not real cause there is many of them and I write a story, so that mean I can lie.
I feel like alien even when I’m with people who are similar to me
I also write some posts about my situation with D-kun on internet. All of them said that my love is one-sided. I was sad.
On the internet I met O-chan. We have many similar habits. Maybe that why because we both are introverts.
My mom said that she want go to the new camp. She said we will go there if there any free place for us If not we will go for the old camp.
I hope that we will go for the old camp even for one time
I can’t live without D-kun, J-kun and M-kun, even M-kun is going to leave, cause on the last camp in the summer he said he may be not working any more when I will go for next camp. I will text him about that.
Yesterday I felt so weak like I was going to faint, so I didn't even update Laura diary.
Today my older bro, his girlfriend, Jul-chan, uncle and aunt going to visit us.
That s all for today!
Take care!
New Place.
2017-10-08 @ 14:19:02
Hi!
I don’t know where to start cause that week wasn’t anything special, so that update might be very short. And I wanted to say I’m sorry for that!
In the last Sunday I wrote message on facebook group of my class. I asked if there is any homework for monday, no one repiled, and maybe that’s stupid, but I felt like my class dosen’t care about me. Only one of my teacher messaged me that there is no any homework.
On the Monday we celebrated the Boy’s Day. I think it is bit unfair that boys could have many kinds of cakes but girls could ony ate little snacks. But thats Boys Day, do maybe it is fair?
Ani-chan said that there were many things when I wasn’t in school. They went to many, funny places. I wonder if they would go If I was there ? I felt lost again.
Teacher said that we won’t go to the trips anymore cause one of the boys acted like rebel on school swimpool trip. She said that is punishement for us. I said to her that’s unifair cause he did mistake , not all of us. She said that is fair cause we are group and even if only one of us did something bad that means all of us will pay for the mistake!
So that means if one of us would murder someone we all will go to jail?
On the same day we watched movie about hoe dangerous internet could be. After that teacher looked for every student on the google. When it was my turn I felt like I was going to die, but thankfully there were only some of my old photos.
On the next day Lady from the post office visited us and told us how post office works. Nothing intresting, so I will tell you about next day.
We don’t have have working practise on wedding palace anymore. We have them on other bulding of our school that is quite far away from our bulding ant totally not wheelchair friendly, there are stairs, but that’s not the worst.
The worst it is that we have to go there aloNe with the teachers. There is no schoolbus or special taxi for us. My teacher have to pusch my almost broken wheelchair all the time.
One time teacher called taxi and she payed it from her own money, and I feel bad cause that.
One day, after lessons , when I and Matt-kun had to wait for bus teacher gave for us some of love poem to interpretation, and we both felt very werid about that .Teachers said we look like very good as team and I wonder if teachers wants us to be friends? Matt-kun seems to have crush on one of the female teachers, so maybe thats why.
He is very nice, he help to push me my wheelchair, even if he have toruble with walking himself, but he is not my type if i have to to be honest.
On Friday i was absent at school cause I had to buy new jacket for myself.
Today is J-kun b-day I wrote a long message for him. I said why I like him and for what I’m thankfull for him. I winder If I start to have crush on him…
I started to read Aya Kito Diary again, now I want to focus more on her feelings so I cried from the start.
Tomorrow my mom will visit my school. I will have to go trought test on other place again. If i will pass them I will be officially student of my school so I will have many therapies like, speaking therapy, psychologist and rehablitation.
If I won’t pass I will have to to leave or I won’t have therapies.
Wish me a good luck and take care!
I came back to the past.
2017-10-01 @ 11:23:26
How was my week? I spent it in my house cause my cold. I said to you about it, right? My cold is fucking werid cause I feel good but I have higher temperature that I shoud have, and sometimies I feel really weak.
I wanted to read all my books from Electra Brown series, but I read only one and I stopped at the begining of second book. I think today I will start the 4th book, outside from the series .
In that week I felt like a came back to the times between after gratulating from high school and before starting new school. I spent my timie mostly front of my computer, chatting with prews, posting posts on fb groups. On the fb group I met girl . She is disabled like me. Our frist conservations was pretty fun, but after that she started to make me mad, cause she texted me , like four times on one day ! I felt like I was in the trap. I wonder what wrong with me. From the one side I wanna to be with people, but from the other side when they are too close I run away from them.
I act like a werid teenager.
I feel like my writting skills get better cause my new part of Laura diares was higly praised. Maybe beacuse I started to write about her family relationships? Mostly about Laura and her stephfather.
I came back to my roots and I started roleplay on some polish portal again. My Tomoyo is now loli on wheelchair like me. I write roleplay with one girl ( her character is male, so we do romance roleplay) but other male characters don’t wanna to have rolaplay with female characters cause male charcters care only about yaoi roleplays.
They even texted me with messages like : „Girs ale useless” or „We don’t need girls here”
Do you know what the fun thing is? The male characters are moslty created by girls
I’m so sorry that it isin’t longer, but really nothing happened in the week
Take care!
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Język angielski matura z angielskiego Gramatyka angielska