Changes and come back!
2018-07-28 @ 12:43:53
Hi! I came back after very long time, many things changed, and I don’t know where to start.
Frist, I really gave up from school, but not because I was mad or something like that. On my camp on November J-kun was my main therapist cause M-kun was on hollydays and it was the best thing in my life, sorry M-kun, but J-kun is much better therapist than you! I CAN WALK BY MYSELF. Thank you J-kun! Of course J-kun still was right beside me but it was big surprise that I can walk!
On the next camp on February J-kun became my official main therapist and it’s the best choice. We decide to come back to crutches for a year or two to make my walk more proper, correct. In April camp I walked with my own crutches, but someone had to be right beside me. On my last camp in July I learned how to walk with my crutches with no one beside me! I also I know how to walk from stairs with my crutches, so I think I improved so much during that year, so I am proud on myself. My therapist from my city ( lest call her E-chan) also changed so much, she was so lazy but now become more motivated to be a good therapist, we often go outside from her rehab office. We were in the near shop,, on the beach, we went to KFC, we went also to the park, or on the biggest mountain on our city and I went there! E-chan wants to go with me to forest . Maybe because I was with J-kun on forest on my camp too? I also feel that I and J-kun grow closer on that friendly way. We can talk about everything,. He knows about my family problems, my life, I also we can talk about his life, we can joke, He even gave me some short hugs as prize for working hard, of course in a friendly way. I wonder if I complained to him too much about my problems. I also have new wheelchair, I even sent pictures when I am sitting on wheelchair to J-kun, I wonder If it was a good choice because on that pictures I wear shorts and it shows my legs so much, I don't want him thinks of me as someone who tries to flirt, especially cause now he is married man! I worry, but my logical side know that if he had any problem with it he would text me, because he is kind of person who talk about problems, so He don’t reply because he is busy as always so I worry without reason XD
What about D-kun? My crush on him is now a memory, and I now I know it was nothing serious, we even weren’t close to each other, we almost not chat to each other and when I learned he left his job I wasn’t sad at all! So my funny crush for D-kun is memory now, anyway I wish him the best in his new job.
I have new friend, but I feel like its more toxic friendship. Let’s name him L-kun. He has the same disability as me but on much more worse level than me. I meet his on camp He uses wheelchair and barley can use his hands, despite that he wants to be therapist I don’t think anyone on the camp believe it is possible but everyone tries cheering for him. L-kun adores J-kun as much as I, so that because I felt weird when I talked to J-kun about my problems with L-kun
L-kun often fall in love , mostly on female therapist from our camp. The frist was As-chan, he was sure she is in love, He said she did love with him even if she has a boyfriend. L-kun thinks her friendly hugs were something more than friendly hugs. Shortly after L-kun confessed to her , She turned that confession down and change job . He said she did that cause she wanted payrise but I don’t belive that.
Now he has crush on Eli-chan, she is another therapis and also has boyfriend. L-kun is sure she loves him too, but everyone else agress that she is just friendly to him the same as As-chan was. I am not sure how to tell him when he ask me what she feels to him.
I feel he is toxic. Even if he want “help” he got angry when he hear truth instead from what he wants to hear.
He often call me android, egoistic, he says that my duty is helping him, when I try to give some advice he says I am android , and I try to play psychologist role . He often says he will kill himself because of that I’m not helping him enough, sometimes I wanna scream to him “Okay, fine, let’s do it!” because I know he won’t do that, he only wants pity. When I have problems he only scream on me that I worry for nothing, or just leave me alone with nothing. What to do with that “friendship”?
Why I left my school after a November camp? I did that because I felt that I can’t lose my walking and I worried that sitting on wheelchair for about of half day will make my walking worse. In that time no one ever tried to stop me, maybe because of new teachers, one of them didn't want to have unofficial student in her class, second one didn't like me so much , so it was better to leave .
So, now I do my rehab session every morning alone and I am bit sad that I can/n have therapy with E-chan once a week, but maybe it will get better in the near future!
A one week ago my cousin get married ! I didn't want go to wedding party, but I went. Sister of my bro girlfriend did my hair and make up, I wore a dress, and shoes, they weren’t heels but didn't suit me cause they don’t stiffen my foot, I changed to my orthopedic shoes later and I felt better, I talked only to my other cousin who I didn't saw for long a time, for the rest time I was eating alone and for the first time of my life I drank a ilttle much wine and I felt a bit dizzy.
So I think I told you everything!
See you on next week!

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