phew phew welcome back
2009-11-09 @ 16:05:38
Long time no see.
My life's just the same, I guess. I moved out to Wrocław, but I needed to come back home. Money, money... Didn't find the job, what's weird, when people say you'll find it everywhere... -.-
Anyway, I'll come back there later, but this time to study only.
I miss some things and it slowly drives me crazy. I miss my school, I miss my friends, I miss somebody and I miss my old me.
Some things will always change and you can't do anything to stop it. You just sit and watch, that's all you can do. No matter how hard you want to try, no matter how hard you actually try, in the end nothing will stay the same.
I wish I was Peter Pan. He never gets old, he always win and gets what he wants. And he's always happy. Oh, and he can fly :)
Awww, childlish dreams, but how fantastic...
2009-09-17 @ 23:22:24
I'll move out on next Sunday. I won't have enough time for the internet, so I guess I won't be avaliable for a long time.
Time to start a new life. Far from here. Leave everything behind and think about myself this time. I'm scared that I won't be able to do what I want to do. That I'll get lost in this whole new world. But I know I have some strenght inside. It'll be fine.
Hmm... I feel old. I will live on my own now. It's something new to me. I used to live with my parents and don't care about money and stuff like that. Now big change's coming. I hope I'll be able to face it.
Like a sheep lost in big, dark forest filled with wolves. XD Okay, I know my imaginary is a bit freaky. I just feel like I'm pushed to some deep water to learn how to swim. I think many people feel this way while they're leaving their family home.
Soon I'll see if I can face it. If not, I'll just try my best to fix it. I won't stay with my parents for all my life. Wish me luck. ^^'
over and over.
2009-09-02 @ 01:54:59
Can somebody tell me why nights are so cruel? During the day you seem happy, you have the strenght to leave your problems alone, nothing bothers you. When the night comes you feel hopeless, you can't stop thinking about things you should forget, you're weak and cry easily.
I know, I know. I'm getting emo, depressed and everything I say is how much I hurt.
I guess this pain I feel inside won't leave me alone so fast.
I can't do anything with this now. I need to talk about it, I need to leave all of this sh*t somewhere. As if I could... Awww, I'd give everything to make this life easier. At least for one day, to make this pain go away for one day... It'd be great, really.
Well, people say 'new love is the best cure for old love'. Bullshit. As if somebody could just make himself love somebody else when he can't forget about someone...
And people also say that time can cure every wound. Another bullshit. It can only make you calmer but the wound leaves a scar.
Okay, pessimistic, ignorant, emo kid. Get the fuck up.
2009-08-25 @ 01:37:07
Well... Long time no see.
Recovering time is still with me... somehow. But I feel better now. Only nights are filled with some kind of soft solitude, but I'm glad it's not so scary as it was lately.
What scares me the most is the feeling that I won't love again. It's the second time in my whole life when I feel so in love... And everything's so fucked up.
Well, I'll better stop talking about it, maybe it'll be easier to forget some things. Useless things.
Memories are like a cancer.
They destroy you from the inside and you can't stop it.
I miss my college. I wish I could go back there. But it's too late and it's my own fault. Well, his too, a bit... But for him, I'd still be in college... Whatever.
I need to do something with my life or I'll get sick and tired of myself.
Some job, new friends, travel... Stuff like that. Maybe it'll be good for my 'recovering time'.
Anyway, good night everyone.
2009-07-21 @ 01:31:11
Guess I've lost my will to fight.
I just know very well that it's over. Even if he says that he still loves me... I know he doesn't because of the words he said lately... "I'm sorry but I cannot engage in this relationship. I think I just want to be alone but I love you. I care about you. I can't say if I want to be with you or not. Let's just have a break, that's all". Ridiculous.
Maybe I'm stupid but I don't want any break. I've said to him: "We're together or we're alone and I don't even want to hear about the break. If you can't decide, I'll decide for you. For me - when you say that you don't know... it's the same if you've said that you don't want to be with me anymore. So it's over and if you really care about me, you're going to show me this in some way". And he didn't.
I was supposed to move out with him. Live with him. Now... I've said that I'll move out to England. What did he say? "Do whatever you want to do, it's not my business".
I feel weak.
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