I can't deal with his death.
2018-08-18 @ 16:17:34
So, this has just happened. One of my friends passed away aged 31. I still can't believe in it. I still keep waiting for a message from him. I still hope it's nothing else than a stupid dream that I will wake up from soon. But it doesn't happen. We can't expect to move on just after two months.
Even three weeks before his death I was talking with him. He told me everything's okay in his life. And then he died. It has left me shocked and unable to say a word. My friend was gone and never came back.
I feel bad for not being able to help him. But he was ill, and I was 1000 kilometres from him, if not more. I wish I could turn back time just to bring him back to life. I don't ask for more. Just give him back to me please.
am I heartbroken?
2017-09-17 @ 23:49:03
Such a long story to tell. I'm not even sure how to turn it into words that make any sense.
He told me something that made my heart beat faster, then got silent. I wonder what his silence means. I wonder how am I supposed to understand his words. Was he trying to flirt with me? Was he just playing with me? Whatever it was, it has left me flattered.
And then he stopped talking to me. He kind of disappeared, even though he was still present. I've been thinking about it all for too long. Not sure how to understand his words. Maybe he just wanted to compliment me. Maybe there was something deeper beneath his words. Maybe he was just in a playful mood and wanted to play with me. Maybe. Maybe...
It has left me shocked in some way, too. I didn't expect to hear such thing from another man. I didn't expect anything at all. And then he did it. He said some words that have turned my world around.
And I'm not sure what I feel. What I feel towards him. I'm definitely not in love with him, I'd just rather treat him like he was my little brother. But he’s waken my heart up and made it alive. And then he disappeared.
Was he too afraid of his own words? Or was he just fooling around with me? I have no answer. I have been always oblivious to interpersonal things.
2017-07-18 @ 08:32:51
Let’s say we build an android and program it to feel the pain. Would it be justified to torture this android only because it’s artificial? Would it even be justified to call them “it”?
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