The first day
2008-03-11 @ 01:45:24
This is it. That's my first day of died. I've got very little motivation but in not now than when? Yes. The sooner the better. And so, since today. Let's see how long will I be able to keep to strict rules.

And I won't lie. I'm not doing it for my health and good mental and physical condition but to look a little bit better. A little bit slimmer. I did it once, I did it twice, so maybe this time will be succesful as well. Hope so.

(I heard that stress helps in loosing weight so I shall come back to a stressful way of living for some time, if I'm able to)

http://www.danciprari.com/images/worldtrip/australia/small/au-woo-rainforest-nandroya-hike-leach-blood-600.jpg
Priceless
2008-03-09 @ 21:08:52
I'd like to have a solution but without being forced to think of it. I'd like it to come without any help of imne. But life isn't fairytale although sometimes it is really astonishing and fabulous. Even in many moments. But not walways. My thaughs are like a tornado. I can't escape out of it and I can't understand nothing in it either.

I'm not that careless anymore. I want something but it doesn't matter what it is. I just want IT!
But I don't know what 'it' is so how can I achieve it? It could be everthing but it could be nothing. What do I really want? Will I ever know?

A stupid knot made of my mind.

http://bp1.blogger.com/_GJg4KROplxQ/Rr4QP4P6GEI/AAAAAAAABlg/5ZsIL56_4u8/s320/instantly_understandable.jpg
No wonder
2008-03-09 @ 20:43:31
You know, lately I understood I don't know what I would like to have or like to be. I've always thought I knwe but I realised it was so stupid of mine... So my priorities have disapeared and nothing is left. Meybe I should find some new ones but why? To have some direction to head for it? To feel discipline and some duties above me? Will that help me to reach the proper things and follow the good path? Nothing is understandable.

People have always had their aims so maybe that's how it supposed to be? And just i t, supposed but with no explaination? And no one should ask about it but just believe? Nothing is understandable.

I wanted to study on C(my own abbreviation), I wanted to be with Z(I won't call him in any exact way), I wanted to have lesser friends but spend more time on reading and finding new hobbys. But IT ALL HAS CHANGED. Why, why did it happen? How did it happen? So suddenly. So unexpectedle. So confusing! How come?! I don't know. All has fallen apart. I have a boyfriend or a boyfriend to be which isn't Z. Lately I have promissed to myself that if I have a boyfriend I will be in a serious and a long-term relationship. And guess what, me and A won't be together for a long time so why the hell am I waisting my time on thinking of him anyway? And why am I giving hope to him? Gosh... what am I thinking? I'm also planing to start partying again and maybe to get to know someone with whom I really COULD BE 'cause me and A don't have chances to be together anyhow.

So believe me, nothing is understandable. Including my talk.

http://ladylambandpopsy.blogsome.com/images/anderson1.jpg
The world will have to forgive me
2008-03-09 @ 20:24:50
The world will have to forgive me

I am getting too old to spend nights at disco clubs ;P Last night was so tiring... We started with a pub, then went to the R club and about midnight went to another disco. And today morning was... oh my God!

But finally I am ok(after the whole day of being half-alive). I read two short novels(well, one of them was rather a story) and should do my homework but I’m in such a terrible mental condition that I’m not thinking of that at all! I don’t know what will be tomorrow and I’d better did not think about it.

I really have no will of living at the moment. You must forgive me…

http://www.bigwhitehat.com/images/Dog%20Tired.jpg
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