I am on the edge. I am not sure whether I am still young or grown up already.
My son has just turned two, I have split up with my fiancée and moved back with my mum in Poland. My flat is on sale and although I kept my part time in London I don’t feel like I live in there any more. This city will be in my heart forever and this love will never end, I am sure about that but it is different now.
How am I feel? Lost, disappointed .. scared and all that braveness accompanied me when I was making decision about leaving my previous life has gone already. The only thing I know is, that I was't happy.
If only the answers would came to me over night..

Just after midnight, when I least expected it my lovely friends came along to say Happy New Year. It was freezing, we were staying at the front of my house in the snow and we talked about "the old good days, when we were young and crazy":) I don’t even know where this conversation came from? I noticed it happens every year. One bottle of champagne and some fireworks bring this nostalgic atmosphere and memories. Although it is true that ten years ago was more fun than now, it is us who let that happen. I still feel young :), just do not feel to do wild any more. I still want to go out and could be the dance floor Queen. I prefer the sober version only. Why everyone miss the old times but, when asked to go out find plenty of excuses to stay home? Are we boring now? hmmm ...... noooo!!! We have responsibilities and… children and no childcare for a New Year’s Night :)
I liked 2010, like no other people around me. There was nothing particularly fantastic about it, but it was not too bad. I sticked to my last year's resolution to see always a bright side of every situation and be patient:) This year I will try to be a better driver. I am good already, but should use side mirrors more often:) I will clean it and wash it regularly too. I am also not going to poke my nose in someone else's business! Even when they asked about this themselves.

Where is my HOME... My lovely, cosy flat next to the park with beautiful shopping centre seven minutes away from the doorstep...or my hometown street, where cascade of trees bends over the pavements and whispering their stories while you are walking back home.. where my Mum is.. and my Brother.. my Friends and memories are? There are no times better than your youngsters’ ones. I was so unaware, so naïve and inexperienced so free. I own rights to buy alcohol anywhere in the world for only a couple of months when I decided to treat my broken heart in England. Back then I thought, that it is the end of the world. The place, where a bus drives 26 hours must have been far enough to forget, mustn’t it? The first memory of my arrival is, when I saw a sentence on the blackboard in front of the pub saying:bingo tonite. I thought I will regret my conceit as I actually can’t speak English. When the first Christmas came I asked English girl I was working with, what are the lyrics of “Jingle Bells” and she said she didn’t know, unbelievably I know :) Try to ask anyone in Poland how the Jingle Bells goes, at least chorus.. everyone knows it!! She didn’t. My point is I wasn’t scared of the right thing. Funny enough, I didn’t even think once about being lonely, surrounded by unfamiliar places and leaving with strangers. Now I am packing myself up as I can go back to my mum’s for a couple of months and I am catching myself on creating obstacles. After all of those years missing being at home, I feel now like I am moving out of one..
I know V will love it. Grandmothers dachshund is cuddly and like him, which we definitely cannot say about our cat, Stówka . You are probably thinking now, why I called a cat like this.. there is a story behind it. I bought her… there was a time I was so lonely I just had to have a pet. Now I would say I was getting broody and this was the first step, but then, I needed a pet to look after. There was a one million people in London and nobody had a cheaper cat for sale :) Stówka is special to me, but my mum’s dog hunt cats. As simple as this. Stówka is not going.
Apart from missing her I will miss everything else. D the most.. It should be great as I have a life of ten thick diaries there. Question is, am I still the same person?
Xo xo

My day is longer than my boyfriend’s one.. How otherwise explain the fact, that I am working, looking after our son, doing shopping, tiding our flat up (no.. not cleaning:)I would have need at least extra 2-3 hours if I wouldn't turn one blind eye for a little bit of dust here and there...), cooking, going to the post ( because he doesn't like to stop anywhere on his way back home) and still managing to reach 2300 minutes of phone calls a month!!
D is going to work, ok I have to be fair, he works 12 hours per night, but taxi driving is not particularly exhausting occupation! He goes to work and sleeps when he comes back...Waking him up is harder than knitting with your toes wrrrr.. Why men can't be more thoughtful, why they can't spend 10 minutes a day thinking about how to be helpful ( to us – women) for a change:)
Helen Rowland once said:To be happy with the man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all” :) So I love him (..) and God is my witness I am trying to understand :)
I was waiting half a day for him to wake up and when he did, his friend poped in and off they went.. to the tool shop as he decided he finally will fit internal doors. I was waiting only three months for this…
P.s Apologise to all fantastic selfless man who are not living with me..
xo xo

The idea of creating a blog was sticking to my mind for a while. I never knew wheather blogging is an online diary or your personal profile (something like facebook). I like to think about this as a diary..passworded online version of your mind and everything what goes through it. Not sure whether what is on my mind would be interesting to anyone, but I've decided to give it a go.

So.. that is me. My life is always a rollercoaster. Eleveted highs and deep downs. Since I have Victor is even better. I have no idea how people with no children can say they busy:) try to have a toddler at home and to-do list long as an arm :) I manage.. I have to.. that is the magic... but I am not saying it is easy.

I am in a good mood today. I love when it is white like this outside. It is a real joy to see London covered with snow.. finally it feels like a real home:)

Have a nice evening ...

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