A really sad note, just don't read it.
2013-02-09 @ 20:32:25
You know, in the very beginning when I was just starting with this blog I had this idea. The idea that I would write here and show all of the people out there that whatever happens, in whatever position life puts them, there is always a way out. The only thing is to try and fight for the important.

And so I tried, and so I did.

And just when I resigned from all the staff I could have done, it has just occured to me, what if it is not worth it? What if all I've done has no purpose? What if giving up so many things eventually will leave me with nothing?

I used to think that if a person knows what to do with his/her life, there is no limit, nothing could stop him/her. How foolish of me.

Because You see, it's not always that easy. It is not granted that your hard work will eventually pay off. It is not true that justice will find its way. And I've just learnt it the hard way.

I also thought that optimism can save you when everything else seems not to be working. I thought that optimism is a cure for stress that it is needed because it makes one's life easier.
And again I was wrong.

I just have this a little breakdown because I failed. I failed despite all the learning and all the hours I spent memorising and trying to understand staff. And eventually, as always, I spen twice as much time as anyone else, learning. And I failed. I've neglected people, because I thought that I had this aim - just to be good at one thing in my life, just to be the best.So I've neglected ... myself. I don't even have a thing I could boast about. Cause all my learning left me with the average result, or even fail, all my giving up in favour of this left me with no life besides my books. All of that made me more gloomy, more disappointed, and more a person as I never wanted to become.

All of this because I wanted to belive that things can get better. Apparently, when someone is doomed, even though he/she tries, there is nothing that can be done to change the situation. Nothing.

and it's fucking sad that I really mean what I've just written. 'Cause I don't want to be a counterargument to myself. But as much as I don't want it, that much I am.

Sorry. I'm really sorry.

Hey, Akijorka, I haven't been here for a long time - more than a year. But I am glad I looked here.
I was writing important exams recently, my a-levels. And I spent loads of time studying, revising, trying to do my best. The results are coming soon - and I know that I did my best. Whatever the result will be -I didn't let myself down for I know I couldn't do better.
And what I am trying to say, very badly as you can see, is that everything in this world is for a reason. Every single moment leads to something - the important moments and the not important ones. Everything. Life is like a sine graph, once you're up, later down. And every time you're up, you know soon it will change. And every time you're down, you learn something. Maybe that was just a lesson for you - I don't know what is the final message but I believe in you. I believe it's not the end - it's just a very harsh beginning. And sometimes we just need to breathe deeply, let it be and... keep going. I don't know what's that for - but that's the only thing I am sure in my life - EVERYTHING IS FOR A REASON.
Believe me. So let it go, feel it, learn from it and don't give up. Never give up.

"My soul may set in darkness
but it will rise in perfect light
For I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night"

And let me know how are you ;) Take care

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